I am Jadiar...

Your humor host for the evening! I will be entertaining you with scrolls sent to us by fellow Travelers of this fair land. Play the match game or answer some fun questions. Read the Quotes of some of our fellow hunters and more...

Take your boots off, grab an ale and enjoy!

Dwarven Stoner Clan

Volnes, day 21 of the month Lormesta in the year 5102
[Monday Night Jan 21, 2002]

A Band of Dwarves (player run characters) showed up at the park
and other areas of town asking and trading for gems...Odorous Stinkystone,
Ough Fiddlestone, Obuh Berrystone, Uffe Luckstone, Oduh Lovestone,
Oppe Rockstone, Omo Weedstone, Ogee Budstone, Ohmph Grumblestone,
Odrat Pifflestone, Odarn Stumblestone, Osnot Notastone, Orbur OchreStone,
Oosdi Lamberstone, Opsie Dooziestone, Osnow Owhitestone, Ornrey Churlstone,
Oie Teefastone, Ogah Biggastone, Oitsa Stolenstone, Oogi Shortstone, Oofi Dirtystone,
Oomph Muddlestone, Oompa Loompastone, Oly Alestone, Obam Flintsstone,
Oxxo Farthingstone, Orneree Gatcherstone, Oboom Rubblestone, Odoh Herbstone ...

They were quite amusing and a humorous change to the otherwise mundane life in Elanthia

Ogah decided to sing for her gems...

Ogah sings:

"Oh .. we .. come from the land of broken stones
We've packed it up and left our homes
We've come to town to look for gems
And then we'll buy some ale with thems!"

"Just give us gems and shiny things
And watch what kind of joy it brings!
A ruby will make us jump and shout
So give us some or watch us pout! "

"Dwarves of stone with nerves of steel
We know what's right we know what's real!
Don't give us those gems unless they shine
The dull ones won't buy dwarven wine! "

"We're from the mines where gems are found
The mines deep down in the underground
We work and work and work all day
But late at night we drink and play!"

"Don't try to give us them halfling tarts
Gems are what gets to our hearts!
The elves all stink but thats ok
They'll give us thier gems anyway!"

"The giants all think that they are tough
But dwarves are made from hearty stuff!
We'll kick your shins and bite your knees
Just give us your gems and we'll heed your pleas! "

"If you like this song then donate
Gimme your gems, don't make me wait!
I can't help it if you think its lame
Just give Ogah your gems, its all the same!"

Thanks for an entertaining evening. We hope to see more of you....

but it doesn't mean we'll give up all our gems to ya ;)

Cruegar on Pothinar

Cruegar says, "aye, we gonna hunt snipes after that,

then we gonna look fer giant pink furry bunny rabbits, with huge Icky icky fangs"

You ask, "ye say giant pink furry bunny rabbits?"

Jayvardhan starts chuckling at you!

You say, "cousin i think you have been walkin through that mist in the pothinir fields again..."

Cruegar says, "nay cousin, i was chasin a purple sprite

through a blue meadow with a green sky, i seen the rabbit, was huge and monstrous, "

Cruegar says, "about that time, a caterpillar spoke to me,

he spoke of a golden lizard with 5 legs and the head of a monkey,

said for me to follow the path to enlightenment, and then he passed me his pipe"

Pallon glances at Cruegar.

Zevtala laughs!

Kitoko laughs!

Kitoko grins at Cruegar.

Cruegar says, "we sat upon the the cap of a mushroom that grew from the sky,

and gazed at the streams of seaweed as they parted

and revealed a large bronze statue that spoke of

a 2 headed horse that walked backwards when it ran"

Musaggo asks, "ya'll talking in riddles or something?"

Kitoko says, "I think we just fell through the looking glass ZEv"

You say, "he been eating the wrong herbs"

You nod.

Zevtala exclaims, "pass the pipe that's good stuff!"

Musaggo smirks.

Kitoko says, "poth'll do that sometimes I heard"

Cruegar says, "we then frolicked in a river of air underneath a sky of red mud,

as we danced with the pixies a strange object flew from the sky,

the little green men inside said follow us to a peaceful land,

sail the heavens with us as we head for the darkside of the moon"

Kitoko blinks at Cruegar.

Jayvardhan chuckles.

You say, "Musaggo, could ya heal Cruegar, i think he has lost his marbles"

Musaggo says, "only the gods can cure that."

Cruegar says, "noone sees the enlightenment, the path to harmony lies

at the end of a cobblestone path under a great wall

that is built from smastan berry tarts"

Jayvardhan gazes up into the heavens.

Railien chuckles.

sent in by Lord Khaldor

Addictions!

Top 10 Things A GSIII Addict Does While On Temporary Lockout.

10. Your in denial the first few days and continuously try to log in,
only to find yourself in the consultation lounge everytime.
You then get in a heated argument with your imaginary friend Bob and finally give up.

	9. You spend a solid week in the GSIII Chatroom with
	some idiot named JoeDawg slinging racial slurs at everybody. You and Joe
	become good buddies and compare swastika tattoes and exchange tips on how
	to keep your Klan uniform looking so crisp, white, and wrinkle free.
	8. You try to improvise by running around in your backyard
	kicking over ant hills causing them to spill out. Your eyes widen and you
	begin waving your hands over your head and scream, "Invasion! Help!
	Invasion!"
	7. You buy a necklace on Ebay and email the owner asking
	if its imbeddable.
	6. You walk to the nearest park and ask people to spell
	you up, and frighten the children by pointing at them and screaming,
	"Hobbits!"
	5. You kill a spider with a tarnished spoon, you found
	under the refridgerator hoping that will imbed it with Web. You think it
	actually worked!
	4. You offer your roommate 5k for the gold ring she
	is wearing. She looks at you as if your nuts. You say, "Well only 5k if its
	fresh." She slaps you across the face, so you keep waving your tarnished
	spoon at her, but nothing seems to happen. 
	3. A salesman comes to your door and you begin yelling,
	"Merchant!" at the top of your lungs, so your neighbors would know. The salesman
	becomes terrified and runs off. You chase him down the block begging him
	for alters. 
	2. You spend the day before your lockout is over, stocking
	up on bags of Doritoes, 2-liter bottles of Coke, and twinkies. You install
	a toilet infront of your computer with a soft cushy padded seat, cus God
	knows your fat ass ain't movin from that spot for who knows how long. So
	much time to make up for!

And the number one answer is...

	1. Ahh the wait is over, you pull down your pants and
	sit on your comfy new toilet and open a nice fresh bag of chips and get
	comfortable. Suddenly your doorbell rings! Men in funny white coats drag
	you and your pantless self away to their funny white van. You begin convulsing
	uncontrollably and wailing, "Nooo! please God, Nooo!"

	Sent in by: Tiffilyn

Quickies!

The earth lay cool and still When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill, He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently shut the window And crushed his friggen head.

I'm not a morning person.

~ Jypta

I am a sex object. I ask women for sex, and they object.

~ Micrea

I got thrown out of a place, cause I saw a sign that said "Wet Floor" so I did.

~ Leafstrike

Yapie removes a white flask 
from in his gakhide cloak.

Yapie takes a drink from his 
white flask.
Yapie makes a horrible face!
Nothing happens.

Yapie chuckles.
Jylia chuckles.

Yapie drops a white flask.
Yapie gasps.
* Yapie just bit the dust!
* Yapie drops dead at your feet!

...oops!
~ Jylia and Yapie



Too often, we lose sight 
of life's simple pleasures.
Remember, when someone annoys you,  
it takes 42 muscles in your
face to frown... 
but it only takes 4 muscles 
to extend your arm and slap
the idiot upside the back of the head.

~ Thoryn

You give Aronious a smooch.
CS: +260 - TD: +168 + CvA: 
-9 + d100: +70 - -5 == +158
Warding failed!
Aronious suddenly 
slows all movements.
	
Antorien blinks.
Antorien says, 
"remind me not 
to get smooched by ya"

	 You laugh out loud!
	 Antorien says, 
"ya slow people down"

~ Jypsie & Antorien

I hated going to weddings ...
It seemed that all of my aunts 
and the grandmotherly types 
used to come up to me, 
poking me in the ribs 
and cackling, telling me, "You're next." 
They stopped that shit 
after I started doing the same thing 
to them at funerals.

~ Tanitia


Overheard at an Elanthian rolton roast: "All right,
put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister." 
      ~ Noki

Don't ya just hate it when you see one of those road signs that says
'Draw Bridge Ahead' and you don't have a pencil?

~ Maur

From the Message Boards!

	 Category Discussions with Simutronics(5)
	 Topic Suggestions, Comments and
	 Concerns(2)
	 Message Captain's log. (37189)
	 By LOHLEM
	 On Feb 7, 2001 at 11:52

Stardate: 02.07.01

Captain's log:

In an effort to squelch the every growing 
condescension against the F.O.C.U.S. 
(Federation Of Customer United Service), 
I've been ordered to investigate Alpha quadrant 
where its been reported the GS Starship Fawn 
has laid waste to several unprotected 
and innocent worlds. 
I fear what lies ahead.

[On Board the FOCUS Starship Inspector]

 You say, "What's our position navigator?"
 Navigator Jubuls exclaims, "Sir, we are tilted a bit to the left!"
 You exclaim, "In space!"

 Jubuls says, "Oh, sorry sir. 
 Yes, we are approaching Alpha quadrant now."

 You say, "I need a lock on their position Mr. Dionket."
 Mr. Dionket replies, "Highly logical request sir, 
 I will continue scanning."
 Mr. Dionket exclaims, "Sir! 
 We have been hailed but did not reply back several minutes ago."
 You ask, "What?"
 You ask, "Com, we were hailed why did you not inform me?"

 Communications officer Khait replies, 
 "Sorry sir, was on the other line with Ylena 
 discussing the blow out sale on Veridian 6."

 You mutter something about Khait
 You say, "open a hailing frequency. "
 Khait says, "open."

 You say, "This is Captain Lohlem 
of the FOCUS Starship Inspector, we come in peace."

"You will be assimilated into our collective. 
Banthis of GS Starship Fawn has spoken."

 You ask, "Mr. Dionket, what does assimilated mean??"
 Mr. Dionket says, "We're in big trouble sir."
 You exclaim, "Damn, I hate when that happens!"

You say, "Captain Banthis, this is a big universe 
and we have every right to think for ourselves, explore, 
and be treated with courtesy, respect and admiration. 
We'll not succumb to your odious values of 
constantly being told what to do, 
what we can and cannot see."

Banthis says, "Resistance is futile."
You say, "Uh oh."

[On Board the FOCUS Starship Inspector]

 You say, "red alert. Shields up, lock on target and prepare to fire."
 Mr. Dionket replies, "Shields up, weapons locked."

[On Board the GS Starship Fawn]

 Banthis says, "I love that line about resistance being futile."
 Banthis giggles.
 Gorlash giggles.
 Ophion giggles.
 Banthis says, "Now, squash them like the little crunchy bugs they are. 
Show them Mr. Ophion that they are not worthy of thinking for themselves."

[On Board the FOCUS Starship Inspector]

 You exclaim, "Now smoke that mother like it ain't no thing!"
 Mr. Dionket asks, "What??"
 You exclaim, "Damn it Mr. Dionket, fire all weapons!"

[On Board the GS Starship Fawn]

 Gorlash says, "They are firing all weapons sir."
 Banthis asks, "Damage report?"
 Gorlash says, "Minor hull breach on deck 4."
 Banthis says, "Ah, good. Eject some worthless fodder 
and shut down engines to make them think we are disabled."
 Gorlash says, "Ejecting Aephir into space, sir."

[On Board the FOCUS Starship Inspector]

 You exclaim, "Well done folks!"
 You say, "Helm, move us in closer."
 Mr. Dionket exclaims, "Captain, it was a trap! They are firing on us!"
 You say, "Sneaky."
 You ask, "Damage report?"
 Mr. Dionket says, "hull breach in decks 3 through 26. We will be dead in moments."
 You say, "Uh oh."
 You exclaim, "Engineering, we need all the power you can muster, get us out of here!"
 Celtar replies, "I cannae work miracles Cap'n! 
 Half me men are dead, it will take 8 weeks at least to fix it!!"
 You exclaim, "You have 2 minutes!"
 Celtar replies, "Aye Cap'n, I'll get us out o' here." 
 Helm says, "Captain, we've got power, Celty's done it."
 You say, "full power, get us out of here."

..Upon our escape.

You say, "open ship's com. This is your Captain speaking, 
we just encountered the vile GS Starship Fawn. 
We live today and must continue our struggle another day 
to end their oppression against us. 
Many of your peers were lost, but we'll continue on until we succeed. 
Well done, and we are off to Veridian 6 for some R&R, and shopping for Khait ."

Category  Role-Playing (4) 
Topic     Thoughts on Role-Playing (4)
Message   Re: My Thoughts (5503)
By       Setzier von Evenlore
On        Jan 3, 2001 at 00:35

Setzier shuffles in.
  
  >look Setzier

  You see Lil' Setzier vonEvenlore the Dark Elven Schoolboy.
  He appears to be in early childhood, has straight black pigtails, 
  sparkling dark eyes, and glowing skin.
  He is in good shape
  He is holding a decorated lunchbox in his right hand.
  He is wearing a spiffy scrunchie, a string of candy necklace, 
  a white button-decorated shirt, a nicely pleated plaid skirt, 
  a pair of thigh-high cotton socks, and some silver-buckled black shoes.
  
  Setzier says, "I got this neato lunchbox my mam gave me!"
  
  * Bertha just bit the dust!
  
  Setzier shows you a decorated lunchbox, he is holding in his right hand. 
  The metal lunchbox has been dyed a canary yellow. 
  Painted on the front is the image of Thalior, 
  standing on a hill with a woman laying clinging to his leg. 
  His hand is upraised holding a glowing falchion. 
  "Moon Wars" is etched above him.
  
  Setzier exclaims, "See! My mam got me this great Thalior lunchbox! 
  And it comes with a mug, too!"
  
  Setzier opens a decorated lunchbox.
  
  Setzier takes a small painted mug from his lunchbox.
  
  * Bob, the one-eyed squirrel just bit the dust!
  
  Setzier shows you a small painted mug, he is holding in his right hand. 
  The mug has been painted a tawny yellow, 
  and etched across the lip are the words, "Moon Wars!" 
  Below the script, a really hairy warrior defending against a wooly rolton.
  
  Setzier exclaims, "It came with a Berr mug! Isn't that wonderful?!"
  
  Setzier grins widely, adjusting his plaid skirt.
  
  Setzier says, "But that isn't all..."
  
  Setzier puts a small painted mug in his lunchbox.
  
  * Sarcasm just bit the dust!
  
  Setzier removes a tiny action-figure from his lunchbox.
  
  Setzier squeezes the action-figure, and the tiny arms flex!
  
  Setzier exclaims, "It came with a Metaboculous action-figure!
  
   Setzier squeals with joy!
  
  * YourEyeSight just bit the dust!
  
  Setzier puts the tiny action-figure into his lunchbox.
  
   Setzier closes the lunchbox.
  
  Setzier says, "I gotta go now... mam wanting me home for supper on time."
  
  Setzier waves, twirling a pigtail.
  
  Setzier just went west.

~~~

For the humor-impaired, this is a silly post, 
and my tongue is skewered through my cheek. 
While it was intended for amusement, 
I view lunchboxes, and 'school uniforms' OOC. But, who am I.

Setzier's player 

Category  Role-Playing (4) 
Topic     Conflict! (2)
Message   The Ballad of River Rest (8946)
By        ((Chyanna =^..^=)
On        Feb 28, 2001 at 23:48

Lemme tell ya'll a story 'bout a man named Jim.
He went to River Rest, without his next of kin,
Then one day, he was hunting right and left
When a zombie came along and pounded him to death
(dead that is) (one less deed)
Jim revives, then gasps at his demise,
A local citizen squinted in his eyes,
When Jim said "You like it when I'm dead?"
A native ranger spiked him in the head.
(Landing, that is) (empaths, clerics, and guild halls)

_____________________________________________

Okay, so my husband and I were bored .
Chyanna - who won't be going to River Rest anytime soon, unless she be lynched 

Elanthians at their Best!

"A group of Dhe'nar, led by a human ranger, are groping their way through a thick fog." "Totally blinded by the mist, they each blunder over a cliff, with most falling to their death, except for the human ranger, and a dozen or so of the Dhe'nar, all of whom manage to grab a small vine, which hangs over the cliff." "The vine is badly overloaded, and it is obvious someone is going to have to let go, or the vine will break, dropping all to their deaths." "Thinking fast, the human ranger makes an impassioned speech, offering to let go, and fall bravely to his death, thus saving all of the remaining Dhe'nar." "As the human ranger finishes, the Dhe'nar, all highly impressed by his sacrifive, applaud loudly." "The human ranger then climbed the vine, and continued his journey."

~ told by Blacksabre

"Two Dhe'nar...a handsome male lord, and a small female...walk into a pub."

"The Lord Dhe'nar is very richly dressed, except for a T-shirt, which says, "I'm with Stupid", and has an arrow pointing left."

"The female Dhe'nar is quite attractive, and is not wearing any top."

"The human bartender strolls over, gives the female Dhe'nar an interested look, and inquires of the lord, "Who might you be?""

"The Lord Dhe'nar blinks, and blusters,   "I am the Lord Moonstuffer, my good fellow!""

"The bartender nods, unimpressed, and wanders off,   after another glance at the attractive female."

"The lord Dhe'nar is annoyed. "The nerve of him! Not to know me!""

"The female Dhe'nar sighs. "Honey, I told you... no one is gonna recognize you, at all,   until you give me back my shirt."

~ told by Blacksabre

Are Warriors really Ditzy?

Once there was a Warror who didn't want to be thought of as ditzy, covered anything eluding to his profession. On the way back to town, he saw a flock of roltins, and a wizzard shepard. He stoped and  went over to the shepherd.

He said,"I love your roltins! If I guess how many you have, can I have one?" The shepherd said, "Sure," because he didn't think the Warror could guess the right answer.

When the Warror guessed the right number he was amazed and let the Warror go choose a roltin. As the Warror was leaving, the sheherd said, "Let me ask you a question. If  I can guess what profession you really are, can I have my dog back?"

~ Laton

A dark elf and a halfling were shipwrecked on this island.

The minute they got on to the island the halfling started screaming and yelling,

"We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no tarts! No water! We're going to die!"

The dark elf was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly, it drove the first man crazy.

The halfling shouts again, "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!"  

The dark elf replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."  

The halfling looked at the dark elf quite dumbfounded and asked,

"What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water!

We're going to DIE!!!"

The dark elf answered, "You just don't get it.

I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent of that Restday.

A cleric will rescue me."

~ Deso